Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jane_eyrehead's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Monday, December 10th, 2007
1:57 am	All I want for Christmas..... -a gun -crest white strips fo the baby -a shit load of nineties clothing -the conscience I once had in kinder years -no more varicose veins -a life partner wit a gun -a suv -confidence -a 10" wang -a microscope set -warm socks (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:53 am	bad L.A. moms I would jus like to thank those fabulous four.....you know who u r....for an incredibly festive and cordial evening last night....i hope we can relive the magic every other night......the body shots......the marginalization by urban lesdians....the foreign food wit peanuts n noodles....crazy?....did the Thai invent gun powder as well......Thanks guys.....your are my breath of fresh air in a city of smog n socialism......i am so getting a diaper bag on monday.....long story short.....much love..... Kalim Ptolemy Baker-Sobieski (second cousin of Leelee Sobieski) (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 13th, 2007
8:13 am	frozen foods in atlantic great britain Hot: 1. Utterly wretched fag-hags dressed vulgarly, the lowest echalon of society. 2. Barbituates before broadcasted performances......Britney 3. Short-shorts on European guys that should not being wearing them according to the Nordamerikan standard. 4. Marrying someone that you do not love...even when there is no movie to be had. 5. Placebo relationships. 6. Pretending to be on a lot of drugs and therefore very easily exploited on a first date. 7. Anything Elizabethan. 8. Recieving hate male on anonymous internet dating sites or youtube. 9. Soulja Boy!.....supersoak em hoes 10.Hell Date...the show Not: 1. Snakes on a plane...but not the movie. 2. Those fuckin' "skinny pants" ankle eaters every fucking emo bitch/faggot are wearing. 3. Mariah Carey 4. Using meth as a cruch in life. 5. Civic responsibility. 6. Grunge. 7. Electoral reform without violonce or revolution. 8. sexual minorities. 9. Hot'n'Not lists. 10.Transphobia.....this issue is quite dear to my heart now. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
11:11 am	HELP?! By now you're all wondering if I am in a crossroads in my life.....Much not unlike Britney's turn-of-the-century movie 'Crossroads'. Will.....after seeing her recent MTV performance, I sure am. After a terrible time in the Olde Worlde....which by the way include regular beatings.....a ballooning weight problem...tapered jeans...and maybe apartheid....apartness?......Well....anyway....I am okay....I am determined to wed by the end of this calendar year.....Most likely I will marry a peurto rican papi.....or a boring caucasoid accountant..... I am jus grateful to have so many european honey bees in my life...... This may very well be my very last post ever on LJ.....so please post something empathetic and caring.......worry about me...if you are not already Kalim Baker, FTM (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
4:36 pm	Bloody St. Valentine's Day Massacre On this festive and most cordial of holidays one should: -avoid thinking of the diathesis model of disease -not cheat, that includes not doing it with 'twenty homeless men behind the dumpster of Burger King' -avoid gambling, that inculdes bidding on bum wars -not take your love one or a makeshift date to a scat show, 'cause u need a reservation for that on a day like this -wear something provocative to work like a leather harness or a 'pony custome' -tell a t-grrl u love it and give it a great big hug......Transcanada -prepare for lent and mardi gras......extensive preparations are needed.....don't pack too many tops are condoms and always have a few kilos -if one decides to cheat today, of all days, be certain to have your beer goggles on, the pickings may be slim -adhere to the empiricism of date....remember to touch, smell, see, hear and taste on the first date........wit yo beer goggles on Jus thought I'd post, love, Kalim Baker, RN, FTM, Governor of the State of Delaware (D) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 22nd, 2006
7:10 am	Just stable enough to go to work. Empiricism is that which one can see, hear, touch, taste or smell. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 6th, 2006
6:29 pm	Batty Bwoy n Chi Chi Mon Well, just like pride I am really glad Caribana is over. But I will certainly miss those DL 'merican bruthas. This is what I have learned this week: 1. People from St. Vincent are called Vincentians. Isn't that cute. People from Barbados are called Bajans. Rhianna is Bajan. 2. I am not to allergic curry after all. 3. If you love someone, let them go and if they come back to you, it was meant to be. F*%^ING BULLSHIT! 4. Horse urine was used to make the first oral contraceptives. I 'heart' equine oestrogens. 5. The correct spelling for a lot of anatomical and physiological terms is oestrogen, oesophagus, foetus and the plural for pancreas is pancreata. 6. Ballerinas stay thin and suppress there hunger by eating cotton balls. 7. Celebrities stay thin and trim by not eating. 8. Rome was not built in a day. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 10th, 2006
5:53 pm	What's Not Hot First, what's hot. This is the official pre-pride week what's hot'n'not list. I can't believe how people take pride seriously in this town. It is Rome's most festive and debauched of holidays, a Roman Holiday. Yeah, people start making plans, take the week off work and crash dieting like a month in advance. Fundamentally Bad Tony, who I have not seen in recently is hitting the gym in order to beef up for pride. What's hot: 1. Poor DL Bruthas. I just can't get over bruthas on the downlo. 2. Passive-aggression. 3. Crunk music. 4. DL Cousins and DL families. 5. People from island countries or peninsula counties, like Milan, Asia Minor or Korea. 6. Using FTM or MTF or TG as academic credentials. Have I said that before. 7. Poor DL pets. 8. Dance camp. 9. Lajka, the first mammal in space. I was a female daog from the former Soviet Union that was the first dog in space. 10. Books on DL Bruthas and DL families. Will do the not later. Don't hate on me. Current Mood: guilty Current Music: Chamillionaire (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
4:50 am	The new small talk. The colloquialisms of Queen Elizabeth City aka Parklem: stuna-player or gigolo booshit-bullshit, ludacris, unreal Sauga-Mississauga be easy-have fun, enjoy yourself More to come as we continue to uncover the History of Englische What a weird night. I love Golden Griddle at 4 am. Fuck all you hos! (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
4:58 pm	Ok, my final LJ post ever. This time for real. I called the former Duke of Buckinghamshire again, last night, on my break at 4 am. Can you say winner! I can't believe I did. I am a looser. I wish i was a sophisticated looser. I have resolved not to call this private and composed man ever, ever, but I do. I wish things could be different, but. I am going to rest. Signing off of LJ now, forever. Jane Eyrehead aka Lil' Kam aka Kalim Baker aka Trevor Bender Goodbye (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
5:02 pm	Oh, don't worry about me......... After months of neglect from the former Duke of Buckinghamshire, I have resolved to through in the towel. I gave it my best, but when you love em, let them go. Go to fuckin' hell that is! Eat shit Sherlock! I called and texted and called him again last night, only to recieve an annoyed voice mail this morning. He stated the following things -the best times to get a hold of him, in an annoyed tone -that he 'may be able' to see me on Friday, thank goodness I am working -that he won't be able to stay over on friday, what a presumptious bizatch! I will play buy the rules from now on. Rule number one, never talk to them. I am angry as fuck, well more bitter. This is my last livejournal posting ever, ever. Don't worry about me. Kalim Baker, FTM Current Mood: passive-aggressive Current Music: Nick Lachey's new album (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 5th, 2006
2:52 am	What's hot, what's in, what's thin and where's the gin. What is hot just for this coming weekend: 1. A rapor with nature. 2. Delanis (if you don't know what that is, I'm right and you're nutz). 3. A Elizabethan reserve impenetrable even to those most charismatic charm. 4. Ghost ships. Oh shit. 5. Overall shorts. I actually saw them at H&M. 6. Vertigo and nightcalls. This entails calling someone at night when one is dizzy, for obvious reasons. 7. Obvious reasons. I'm right, you're nutz. 8. French kissing. I talian cars and spaghetti-like hair. 9. Sex in expensive cars or sex in rundown beaters (ie Chevettes). 10. Placebo dates. Fake dates one invents in ones head inorder to be right, not nutz. There is nothing that is not in for this weekend. Anything goes. I'm going. I really should, I am at work. What the crunk happened? Kalim Baker, FTM (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
12:36 am	I just hope everything goes ok for everyone. "I just hope everything goes ok for everyone." Those words I believe were said by Churchill or possibly a very dear friend from now. I just got home from watching all of season two of the Nanny on DVD. It was actually a witty show. I watched it a an adolescent but did not appreciate it for it's satire, maybe. After a disaster beginning of courtship with the Duke of Buckinghamshire, I have resolved to through in the towel. It is never good to date someone you like too much as one is suceptible to compromise one integrity too much. And I was willing to eat shit for him. Eat shit! If anyone could see me right now. 1 am, wide wake. Eating a 7 dollar 1/2 litre cup of haagen daz. Too alert to sleep, too depressed to masturabate, too lazy to clean or file my course notes from last term. Too self-absorbed to shut up. What a fear I did wrong. I broke all the rules and not in a good way. I will do something more productive now like google Nicole Richie and the Tomkat baby. Or just buy some hoodia on line. I love hoodia. I anyone could just send me some little tokens that they care. PS Next week I am getting fitted for my grill. Life goes on I suppose. Current Mood: I actually don't feel naughty. Current Music: The Ying Yang Twins (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 24th, 2006
11:08 pm	II=II=II=II=II=II=II=II=II=II=II=II (That's meant to be conceptual) Was Hot: 1. Dangeroulsy over-exercising. 2. Taking the morning-after pill before you go out. What ever works eh. 3. Beautiful friendships like Kate Moss's and Lindsay Lohan's, Nicole Richie's and Tara Reid's, etc. 4. Plastic surgery to get dents in ones boobs or distorted nipples intentionally. 5. Australopethicus afarensis (Lucy), Homo habilis and the miracluous Tung baby. Oh, Homo neanderthalensis is also hot. Nice spear man. 6. The new SSRI on the market, escitalopram oxalate, I think the trade name is Lexapro. 7. Impetigo (got, get it, good). 8. Broke nerves and an overly alert disposition at parties. 9. The moral high ground. Scrupulous criticism of other misconduct and debauchery. 10. Overalls. Was Not: 1. Bears and cubs ie ursine man and gay pandas (pandas are not actually bears but are related to raccoons, nor are koalas). 2. A sense of optimism. A defeatist attituted and a broke spirit are the new bubbliness. 3. Getting a degree that gives you the academic credentials FTM, MTF or TV. Television, what the crunk!? 4. Chronic back pain. Nobody likes a cry baby. 5. Jock straps, they only flatter non-caucasoid bubble butts. 6. Banana skirts, you know what the crunk I am talking bout. 7. Cousins from Kentucky or Belarus. 8. A weak resolve. 9. Henrican manuscripts. 10. Volunteer work. Love, Kalim Baker, FTM (nee Colleen Wisterfelde) (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 20th, 2006
2:47 pm	Whatz new wit me! Well: -I was diagnosed with impetigo and am on fusidic acid topically. -I fear my impetigo has spread to my right index finger. -After 3 months of serious internet investigation, by chance, I have found the man I love, Wallis Simpson. -He has a personal add on a website and I fear he may not be the marrying kind. -I got crazy baggy jammers. Right crunk! -I have an exam in epidemiology on Saturday at 1230 after working a 12 hour night shift, shit! -I got in an altercation last night with a faggot-ass twink last night in front of a hot dog stand in defence of a friend who happens to be a visible minority and was feeling blue, not in an Elastica way. -I am listening to TI a lot, what you know about that! -I can't wait till the launch of Flyingbutress's zine. -I have sported a mustache and in combination with my shaved head, I look like a pervert. That's about it what is new with me. I miss myself, the man I use to be. Earnest, sensible, pragmatic and private. I barely recognize myself (that's my favourite thing to say). Sunken eyes, abrased cheek bone, fine lips and a sloped forehead. Delicate hands and a question mark spine. Sorry this is a bit self-indulgent. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
7:09 pm	Just when you think things could not have gotten worse..... I get impetigo, or I am almost certain it is. And on top of that it has occurred on my favourite ever-so-Slavic cheekbone. Damn, I am most certainly shot down for this weekend. And these cluster headaches, when will this all end.......? (Comment on this)
Monday, April 17th, 2006
2:09 pm	A river does not run through it. I have been recently diagnosed with the crippling malady know as cluster headaches. These debilitating headaches are attributed to the use of three substances. The three things I enjoy most. Tobacco, alcohol and caffeine. I have resolved to give up one of them and practice temperance with the other two. Good bye tobacco. Hello rock hard abs. I am a going to do this. No more varicosities (although they will be with till my death bed) palpitaions in the middle of the night and pitting ankle edema. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
12:59 am	The House that Crunk Built Well, when you hit rock bottom and get mulled by the hounds of hell you really do, and your outfit gets wrecked. I am at work now and should probably not be writing this as IS monitors our internet access. Bye. Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: Hole (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
12:42 am	Not. Oh yeah, the not list. 1. Frottage on crowded public transit, ei the TTC during rush hour. 2. Telling real dealers that your a dealer too, but your are all sold out. You make the wrong friends. 3. Consent to bizarre aggressive gay sex that displaces vital organs. 4. The mourning show in the morning. 5. Cowboy boots, what the crunk. I don't get it. 6. Szechuanese food. Well just getting told off at a Szechuanese buffet. 7. Bashing Jennifer Aniston. Never thought I'd say this. 8. Meth. 9. Obscure sociocultural interests like Egyptian pottery, Burmese cuisine, Moroccan tribal house or aboriginal tapestry, not sure if they made tapestry. 10. Birth control. (Comment on this)
12:28 am	I believe I feel things more acutley than some. Well, maybe not, because sometimes I feel nothing at all. I have been faced with a cruel and usual dilemma, regrettably that does not include Nelly, nor Kelly Rowland. R Kelly, Kelly Rowland, weird. Anyway. I am in a fork in the road and I need popular opinion to decide for, as I like to blame others for my poor decisions. Ok. The bachelors are, no no particular order. Bachelor #1. Hot, extremely hot, hotter than Tyson Beckford. Has a sunny disposition, works with challenged children, is definately opposed to a serious relationship. I cannot stress his physical attractiveness and capitalar charm. His junk is crazy huge. Crazy. He's really nice and honest, stating explicitly that he did not want anything serious with me. Fortunately I have low self-esteem and a dependent personality. We will call hime Tyson. Bachelor #2. A patient and dutiful man. A learned man with a nice apartment and car. A good heart and celestial culinary abilities. Sleep apnea. A witty sense of humour and a staple in Toronto's senior art fag circle. A good British colonial, with monogamy on his mind. We will call him Thomas, after an American president. Likes to booze too. Bachelor #3. Another goode British colonial with a formidable religious upbringing and a benevolent disposition. A genuine man, who I fear in in grave danger of becoming infatuanted with me. He is ambitious and embodies similar prolitarian ideologies as I do. This gentleman is very old fashion but does not club, nor does he wear du-rags. My dilemma is clear. Please resolve my indecisions I would like to blame others for my lack of judgement. Sorry for being so self-indulgent. Single white male addicted to retail, Kalim Baker MIKE JONES! MIKE JONES! (4 Comments |Comment on this)